Sitting on Santa’s lap is already an archaic and bizarre holiday tradition that involves paying a mall or shopping structure for the opportunity to put your tiny child on the lap of a strange man dressed like a Nordic toy maker.
Now, imagine that the Nordic toy maker is David Letterman, beause that sh*t is actually happening.
For whatever reason, David Letterman is Santa now. He even has rosy cheeks and a damn twinkle in his eye. Check his belly, cuz I’m pretty sure that sh*t might shake like a bowl full of jelly.
Since Dave’s "Late Show" went off the air, we haven’t heard much from him, giving him time to grow out that beard.
Dave debuted his festive new look during an appearance at his alma matter, Ball State University, where he reportedly donated a bunch of…stuff…money…who cares, all that matters is that DAVID LETTERMAN IS SANTA. “I AM THE SANTA NOW!” – guy from that Tom Hanks movie about Somali pirates (shoutout to dated and nonsensical references WOOF WOOF).