Get ready for Sonic: the movie.
Are you as sick of Transformers movies as the rest of the internet? Would you like Paramount to stop beating a dead horse and move on to tackling a new intellectual property?
Well, the studio might be about to do just that, by attempting to kick off the Sonic the Hedgehog movie universe.
Originally, Sony Pictures had the rights to a Sonic movie, and were working to build a movie with Tim Miller of Deadpool fame as a producer. Thankfully, Sony decided to ditch the rights to Sega’s classic mascot – considering that a leaked email from an executive at the studio referred to the character as “Sonic the Hedge Dog”, it’s safe to assume that the decision-makers at Sony didn’t really understand what they were dealing with.
Not that Paramount will necessarily be any better, of course. At least, though, the project seems to have a logical direction planned.
The movie will still have Tim Miller involved, but the main production team will be led by Neal H Moritz, who is best known for work behind the scenes on the Fast and Furious franchise. This certainly works with Sonic, a series about going fast and which definitely needs a cartoonish, over-the-top vibe in order to work well.
If audiences can believe that Vin Diesel can drive a car down the side of a skyscraper, they’ll be able to get behind a blue hedgehog breaking the sound barrier.
The plan here seems to be to make Sonic a new movie franchise, hopefully creating for Paramount something akin to Transformers, with live action interspersed with CGI creations. Yes, Sonic is going to have a human sidekick, and we can’t rule out the possibility that he’ll be played by Shia LaBeouf, or at least someone similar.
(Finn Wolfhard from Stranger Things could probably nail this kind of role, but that’s just wishful thinking.)
Of course, the problem with Transformers is that the source material got hacked about and turned into a CGI-fest that went way over the top. The other problem is Michael Bay, and his very specific directorial style.
Some of this may end up influencing Sonic, but Paramount will be wise to pick and choose which elements of Transformers gets carried across.
We may end up getting a very ugly interpretation of Sonic the Hedgehog; something that looks a lot more realistic than the character’s typical cartoon appearance in order to help him feel believable in a real world setting.
On the other hand, it’s unlikely that Paramount will sign off on bringing Michael Bay’s gratuitous and sexist shooting of female characters to this movie. With any luck, we can at the very least avoid seeing a live action rendition of Princess Elise, or, for those not up to speed on their Sonic canon (count yourself lucky), the time a main line Sonic game attempted a gritty reboot and game the titular character a human girlfriend.
Oh, and in addition to beastiality, Elise was also into necrophilia. No, that’s not a joke, she makes out with a dead hedgehog in a particularly weird cutscene.
Basically, this movie is going to be weird. As much fun as it is to see Sonic spinning through loops and smashing robots, the moment this stuff ends up veering towards Transformers is the point where we should all assume that this franchise needs to die.
Sonic the Hedgehog is a great character, but looking at what Paramount has done with Transformers, it might be better if Sonic gets put out of his misery now, rather than endure the kind of weird movie franchise nightmare he could end up stuck in.