Jesse Eisenberg Burns Movie Critics, Internet Responds with Slow Clap

Olivia Jakiel
(Photo: Getty/TheNewYoker)

The world needs more cut-and-dry-no-bullsh*t celebs like Jesse Eisenberg.

And in case you were unaware, the 32-year-old Social Network star is not only an actor, but a published writer for McSweeney’s and The New Yorker as well. He’s actually been contributing to The New Yorker for the past few years, which brings me to my next point.

Eisenberg completely trolled the entire realm of movie critics with his fake movie review piece that appears in the latest issue of The New Yorker called “An Honest Film Review.” As expected, critics were not impressed and were pretty butthurt over the whole thing.

Here are some of the genius excerpts from his piece. 

He starts off with this gem: “This week, I’m reviewing ‘Paintings of Cole,’ which I didn’t like, because the press screening was all the way uptown, and there were huge delays on the J train.”

And follows with this too-accurate picking apart of something irrelevant to the movie: “In the movie, Cole, a happily married father of two, is an abstract painter, which raises the question: How can he afford a brownstone in the West Village? I’ve been writing movie reviews for a blog that attracts more than eight hundred and forty-five unique views a month, and I live in the kind of housing complex that rappers brag about escaping.”

His summary is on point: “In sum, these are the main problems with ‘Paintings of Cole’: it was inconveniently shown on the Upper West Side, written by a guy I envy, screened by a cute intern whose name was too confusing to remember, based on an idea that I poorly executed in grad school, and praised by the Times, which rejected me.”

And finally, revealed what all critics really aim for: “Nonetheless, ‘Paintings of Cole’ is easily the best movie of the year. I’m saying this only in the hope that the studio might print my name after a blurb on the movie poster.”

Eisenberg is kind of known for being an assh*le, but I honestly love it. His snarky sense of humor touches my soul and I’m not the only one who appreciates it:

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