“Riverdale” is Adapting Stephen King’s “Carrie” Into a Musical Episode, Because Why Not?

Matthew Loffhagen
The CW/United Artists
(Photo: The CW/United Artists)

“Riverdale”? “Carrie”? Musical?

Sometimes it feels like the creative minds behind “Riverdale” are deliberately trying to get people to do a spit-take.

Either that, or this is all a big game of Mad Libs that got wildly out of hand.

The premise of the show right off the bat feels like a joke for fans of the original “Archie” comic books – the most innocent, sweet comic book universe has become a sexy, gritty, neon-soaked world in which beloved characters spend most of their time complaining or trying to inflict emotional torture upon each other.

Somehow, this nonsense actually works, and from there, the writers have nowhere to go but up. If they can find an excuse for a ridiculous plot point, a murder mystery, or a poledancing striptease karaoke session, they’ll go ahead and jam that into the story as if it makes sense.

With a show of a similar tone and style set in the “Sabrina” universe coming soon, it feels like the team behind “Riverdale” feel like they have to up their game. This is the only possible explanation for the next clickbait story idea they’ve managed to cook up.

For reasons unknown, “Riverdale” is going to feature a musical episode that’s based on Stephen King’s “Carrie”.

The logic here isn’t all that hard to trace. Musical episodes of TV shows always draw big audiences simply thanks to the novelty, and “Riverdale” has always had adorable (if sometimes weirdly sexually charged) musical numbers front and center to tie the story together.

Plus, Stephen King is in fashion at the moment thanks to “IT”, so it makes sense for the show to visit his most teenage story about the challenges of puberty.

In fairness to the show, the “Carrie” plot – even its musical elements – have justification within the narrative. We’re not going to see Betty bursting into song while covered in pig’s blood for no reason.

(As an aside, isn’t it weird that in “Riverdale”, it’s Betty, rather than Veronica’s that’s most likely to go Carrie on everyone?)

The plot will center around Riverdale High putting on a school play based on Carrie, which also happens to be a musical, because come on, we’ve got to find an excuse for some cute dance numbers somewhere in all this.

Also, despite Betty being the clear loose cannon in “Riverdale”, the role of Carrie is instead going to Cheryl Blossom within the play, although it’s still entirely possible for Betty to end up dunked in pig’s blood and lashing out at some point, because the character can’t go ten minutes without doing something ridiculous.

It’s not beyond the realms of possibility for Betty to pour blood on herself, just to frame someone else for the crime.

All of this is likely going to go about the way you’d expect: hardcore fans of the show will absolutely love this weird mix of horror, teen angst, and sexy dancing.

Meanwhile, anyone who’s not yet obsessed with “Riverdale” will watch a single out-of-context musical number on YouTube and proclaim that CW fans everywhere have lost their minds.

Same old, same old. Now with added Stephen King funtimes, because the only way to make “Riverdale” even less representative of a real high school is to base an episode on what a middle-aged white rich man thinks it’s like to be a teenage girl!

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