Before the first World Cup match kicked off, America's love affair with soccer was inevitable. For the previous seven years Mr. Beckham had been navigating his parade around this great nation, desperate to convince its citizens to follow a foreign sport. Slowly but surely the public came around, and when that first ball was kicked in a time zone we could all be awake for, we were captivated.
Couple that with the fact that the team is actually playing well, and you have the basis of a nationwide obsession. And when it comes to the crunch, no one does reactionary patriotism like the good ol' USA!
So today we're calling for a boycott of Belgian beer as the USA goes into its World Cup showdown with the Flemish! As a unit we're a force to be reckoned with. 315 million rampant consumers could shatter a small economy and bring a nation to its knees! Belgian beer accounts for only 5% of all US beer imports, but that's surely significant to the Belgian GDP. I mean, we could do some research, but that wouldn't be very fitting with blind sporting prejudice!
So America, together we can distract the Belgians from the match, sink their economy, and give ours a boost by purchasing millions of beers made right here in the red, white and blue!
We've done some head scratching and come up with five excellent Belgian-style beers that will quench your thirst for quality, yet won't contribute a damn dollar to their filthy economy!
Stone Cali-Belgique IPA – Bradley's Brew
This offering from the iconic SoCal brewery is a Belgium-meets-California IPA. Oooft.
The Bruery Mischief – Howard's Hops
Another Cali-born wonder here from the Bruery. As you would expect, this is a big, strong, hoppy bastard. Yas.
Allagash White – Wondolowski's Wheat
Allagash white is an iconic American craft beer, and while it is Belgian in style, it's a Yankee at heart.
Ommegang Three Philosophers – Dempsey's Dark Ale
This whole brewery conducts its business in the Belgian-style, so let's just hope it knows where its loyalty lies…
New Belgium Tripple – Klinsmann's Cold Ones
This one is hoppy and complex, much like the German manager's sideline manner.
Go USA, baby.