Cronuts: The Hustle

Cronuts: The Hustle

A New York born and raised croissant and donut had a baby, decided to name it Cronut, and the food tabloids went maniacal over the arrival of the newborn breed.  Following suit, LA follows jumps on the baby train, spawns the “Crullant,” and D.C charms tabloids with their version, the “Doissant.”  Red velvet cupcakes and Baby North West are kinda pissed about these spotlight-hogging edible bundles of joy.

The cronut was born on May 10th this year at Dominique Ansel's namesake bakery in New York's SoHo.  Ansel says it took him 10 tries to get the perfect cronut.  The offspring takes 3 DAYS TO FINISH at his bakery.  Just because it’s a fried street fad doesn’t mean the recipe isn’t precise and painstaking - baking is serious business, friends.  Frying delicate croissant pastry dough is no simple task, as it tends to separate instantly when tossed in hot oil.  It’s kind of a bold step for pastry.  Pretty admirable.

So. The Cronut: It’s got the hole and it’s fried, just like a donut - but the starter dough is a one-off of croissant dough.  It’s flaky, sticky, and pumped with cream, giving it the creamy interior of a doughnut.  Each gets deep-fried in grapeseed oil, rolled in flavored sugar, and glazed.  Pure glee? Peel layers off like string cheese, crepe cakes, or biscuits: people really loved layered goods.  Ansel’s cronuts were originally filled with a semi-sweet Tahitian vanilla cream, given a fresh coat of rose glaze, and rolled in rose sugar.  Wait for the bajillion flavor combos to ensue.  In real golden ticket Wonka Bar fashion, cronuts are packaged in a gold cardboard apparatus.  Take your gold-boxed walk of shame down Spring Street and prepare to get hustled, or at least instagrammed.  

Lines at the bakery start around 6am, and there’s a limit to how many you can buy. The hybrid is officially Ansel’s trademark pastry; meaning you can’t theoretically have an authentic cronut experience anywhere else in the country.  This is basically the fried foods’ attempt at establishing terroir.  It’s just like Champagne, you guys: if the pastry doesn’t come from the recognized territory, ya just can’t call it a cronut. There's even a black market for them.  An NYC delivery service charges a meek $100 to deliver just a single cronut right to your door, and according to Craigslist, they’re almost as expensive as champagne.  Why spend your hundo on a good bottle of bubbles when you can experience a flaky inbred breakfast?  Seriously, check these ads out:

 

Who is your daddy and what do you do?

 

Just, YOLO.

 

I mean...

 

At 50 bucks a pop!

 

AMERICA!

 

Wondering if someone flagged this as spam...

 

Learn how to make your own here. 

Last Resort: if you’ve failed at making your own, can’t wake up early enough to stand in line, there’s always this:

 

For more crazy cronut craigslist ads (that's a mouthful), check this gallery out.

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