A Foolproof Guide to Drinking on Your Lunch Break

A Foolproof Guide to Drinking on Your Lunch Break

Because our boss is probably going to end up reading this, so we ought to say from the get-go that we never drink on our lunch break. Not even once. I would venture to say that the thought had never even crossed my mind until this article came to fruition. I'm a company man. I clock out to take a s**t.

With that being said, we know how to have a couple of pints on the DLs. We drink for a living. So if you're someone that likes to escape the fluorescent abyss of the office through subtle intoxication, this is how you drink on your lunch break and keep your shit together.

 

Leave the office

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This might seem like a no-brainer, but you really should leave the office if you're looking to have a couple of drinks on your lunch break. If you nip off to the bathroom to guzzle bourbon from a flask it's going to set the perfect pretense for a mass intervention.

 

Pick a pub close by, but not too close by

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So the last thing you want to do is come back into work late smelling faintly like you slept under a pool table. You also don't want your co-workers to see you from the street if they're on their on their break too. Pick a pub 5-10 minutes away.

 

Eat

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You should eat. While the idea of a liquid lunch is extremely seductive, that kind of behavior undermines you.

 

Beer or wine

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Stay away from liquor. You can smell it lingering on breath and seeping out of pores. You don't need that.
 

Have two pints at most

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Remember, you're just trying to get a little buzz on to dull the monotony of office existence. You're not trying to turn work into a party. A couple of beers will loosen you up without getting you rubber kneed.

 

Walk back to work

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This will help the food and booze settle into your stomach and give your blood flowing. A little exercise is always good, but it works a treat to sober you up a little.

 

Gum or cigarette to quash the scent

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Two very different choices for getting rid of the scent of booze. Nothing masks the smell of everything quite like a cigarette, though consequently nothing slowly kills you without reward quite like cigarettes. Gum is certainly a far healthier choice.

 

Red Bull or coffee

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You could also pound a little caffeine to bring you back up a little. Alcohol is a depressant, so if you balance that out with a little jolt of stimulant you'll be jammin'.

 

Stay away from your boss

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Put your headphones in, slouch into your chair, and just chill out in your own warm embrace. Become invisible, like the wind.

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