How To Get Drunk With Family During The Holidays

Josh Schaffer
(Photo: David Furnal)

Whether you love or loathe getting together with your family, it’s no surprise that alcohol makes everything better. That’s the magic of it, isn’t it? Holidays are a time for getting together, catching up, and creating new memories. Nobody every said they had to be good ones.

Every family is different – some love social lubricant, while others abhor it. It’s up to you to know what will or won’t make waves, and whether you want to deal with those repercussions. Moving past that, we’ll assume that since you’re reading this, you’re going to drink regardless.

Bravo my friend. The next question becomes how to go about it. Sneaking around is always an option, but that just creates unwarranted stress. You can bring a flask for extra kick, but generally our suggestion is to just put it out there.

If you’re going to get drunk this holiday season, let us offer a few guidelines for going about it properly.

Provide

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You probably know your family best, but if not, don’t presume that every gathering will have alcohol, the right alcohol, or the correct amount of alcohol. If you absolutely must get sloshed to be in their presence, it’s up to you to make sure you’re covered, whether by flask, or by providing enough hooch for the whole family. What they see as a friendly holiday contribution, you see as a survival method.

Educate

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The best way to get people drinking is by turning it into show and tell, but you have to be crafty. As in, craft drinks. Craft beers, whiskey, small batch anything, find something new, rare, or obscure that you’re pretty sure nobody has heard of, and make a point that everyone try it. Not only does it get people drinking, but it’s also an excellent conversation starter.

Be the Enabler

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It’s not fun getting drunk alone. OK, maybe it is, but it’s more fun when everyone else is drunk too. The best way to get the evening going is by convincing all those around you that they need a drink too. Of course your uncles want a beer to watch the game, but maybe Grandma is looking for a little pick me up, and anyone working in the kitchen would probably like something to make the preparations feel less daunting. Be there for them.

It’s All About the Pace

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Other than going out to the movies you're pretty much stuck wherever you are, which leaves you plenty of time to imbibe – so pace yourself. Sure you might need a shot just to be in the same room, so take your shot, and then maybe move on to something like a beer or light cocktail. We’d recommend you lay off the wine until seated because it will just make you drowsy – especially when combined with tryptophan. Just remember, Thanksgiving dinner is a marathon, not a sprint.

Keep Your Shit to Yourself

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Nothing opens old family wounds like alcohol and togetherness. Sure you’ve wanted to tell off your nosy aunt or over privileged cousin for the last 5 years, but now is not the time. There may never be one. And that is why alcohol is there. Smile, nod, fake laugh, and quietly get tossed. Just save the shit talking for later.

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