Read This Now: an Open Letter to Kanye West from the Association of French Bakers

Brooke Newberry
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In an open letter posted on Medium, the “Association of French Bakers,” AKA writer Mr. W. David Marx, dutifully and wittily attended to aggravated lyrics from Kanye West’s newest album, Yeezus.

In these lyrics from “I Am a God,” West raps about the annoyances of waiting for puff pastries:

“In a French-a** restaurant

Hurry up with my damn croissants.”

Our favorite parts of the open letter:

Maybe the best thing ever written about croissants:  “The croissant is dignified — not vulgar like a piece of toast, simply popped into a mechanical device to be browned. No — the croissant is born of tender care and craftsmanship. Bakers must carefully layer the dough, paint on perfect proportions of butter, and then roll and fold this trembling croissant embryo with the precision of a Japanese origami master.”

Addressing Kanye as Divinity: “From the other lines in the song, we have come to understand that you may in fact be a “God.” Yet if this were the case — and we, of course, take you at your word — we wonder why you do not more frequently employ your omnipotence to change time and space to better suit your own personal whims. For us mere mortals, we must wait the time required for the croissant to come to perfect fruition, but as a deity, you can surely alter the bread’s molecular structure faster than the speed of light, no?”

And this: “Congratulations on the birth of your daughter, Nord!”

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