We've all been there—at a bar, ready for another beverage, with just two problems: a sea of fellow clientele standing between you and the bar, and a bartender too busy to acknowledge your too-sober existence.While we can't quite solve the mystery of how to speed things along, there are a few things you most definitely should not do so you can stay under your bartender's good graces.These gatekeepers to drunkenness took to Reddit to share all the things clients do at their bar that piss them off. Here are the 20 most interesting answers, mostly unedited.
Ladies, your never comes off lipstick looks fantastic. It never comes off my glassware, either. – Justice_Man
Snap your fingers at me, yeah...you're not getting that drink anytime soon. – [deleted username]
"I want two vodka sodas and we are gonna split it on two cards, run the cards because I don't wanna forget the cards, and charge my phone for me because the other bartender did it last time for me and I come here ALL the time how do you not know me, are you new? Ugh. It's my friends birthday, can we have some strong but sweet, cheap shots for her? Wait, I have to PAY for them?! This place has changed." – Milkusa
Ask if someone can mix good drinks and then asks for a redbull and vodka – schabbas
If you order 13 drinks, I've got to pour you 13 drinks. I'm only human. Screaming "where's my order already" doesn't increase productivity.What's even worse is if you order 3 jagerbombs, 2 double vodkas and coke, one single vodka and coke, one single vodka and lemonade, three pints, a gin and tonic, a lime and soda and a packet of nuts then, lo and behold, I have to get you 3 jagerbombs, 2 double vodkas and coke, one single vodka and coke, one single vodka and lemonade, three pints, a gin and tonic, a lime and soda and a packet of nuts.I might have some unworked out feelings about drunk people. – ThatGuyJim
Don't hit on me. I'm here to work, not date. Besides in a bar full of drunk and available people, why would you want to hit on the only sober one? – NoPhilosophy
Throw your f**king money/ID on the f**king bar when I have my f**king hand out for it.F**k. – pork_police
When someone sits at the bar and immediately introduces themselves and reaches to shake my hand I know that they are going to be trouble. These people tend to think that by introducing themselves to the bartender that they are on a first name basis and they are therefore exempt from getting into trouble. This is most often observed in patrons who have been drinking too much before they even got to the bar. If you want to get to know the bartender, then you have to put in your time and earn their trust and respect. We are used to dealing with low-lifes and derelicts so you need to prove that you are someone who is genuinely interested in building a bartender-patron relationship. – CobraCornelius
"Give me something that's strong, cheap and tastes good" – minifridge072
Me: "Hi, what would you like?" Customer: "you" – xxCLJ
"I'll have a bud light.""Sorry, but we're a brewery. We only serve our own beer.""Oh, okay. I guess a regular bud is fine then." – njvd
Shit your pants and throw away your underwear in the single toilet women's bathroom. – If_Backwards
in the middle of making many shots, pouring multiple drinks - "heyyyyyyy do you have a charger back there, can you plug my phone in please. Hurry it's going to die" – cinderellaponygirl
If you know the bartender don't be a dick and expect to be served first and get free drinks etc. if you're a real mate and don't pressure me i'll give you all the shit I can get away with, if you ask I'll say no (probably because I have to because asking outright is just a dumb way to get caught anyway) – qwertylaura123
Plead for another drink after closing time.Drunk: Just one more, please mate. I'll buy you one too...Me: I can't, I have no till. Our till has been taken away for cashing up.Drunk: Just leave the money by the till then? You can keep the change.Me: I can't do that, our license is only until 11 and it's 11.20.Drunk: Pleeeeeease! There's this girl I'm trying to chat up and I need one more drink to give me courage...Me: I. Can't. I'll lose my job.Drunk: But I'll make it worth your while!! I'll pay you...This goes on for the whole time I am closing down the bar. I have no till. Go the f**k home.(I'm a part-time bartender in Scotland. Denying people alcohol here is as much of an insult to them as punching their child in the face.) – wagamamalullaby
Ripping up coasters and labels and if by then, you haven't caused enough misery for the night, throw it on the floor or squish it in the gap of something. – showmebevelle
Haggle. Seriously, I don't own the bar and I'm not in any position to give you discounts without taking it from my tips. – Phr4gG3r
Good for you, you know my name, please stop yelling it out from across the bar as I am serving other guests!! This includes my best friends, my hugest pet peeve! – IT_Bartender
We have a certain type of clientele that always sends their drinks back for not being strong enough.This means you get the tiniest drop of alcohol right in the straw. When I bring the drink back their reaction is amazing. It's always something like "wow, that's a strong drink!" – jtemperance
Don't f**king eat out of the f••king fruit tray. That fruit is meant for drinks, not for your grubby fingers. – RaoulZDuke