The NFL had its chance.
Roger Goodell gave the other 31 teams a break, and they blew it.
The New England Patriots were without all-world quarterback Tom Brady for the first four games of the season thanks to the commissioner's discretion and some footballs being a little bit light. But the perennial Super Bowl contenders managed to go 3-1 anyway, and now everyone else is screwed.
Because Tom is back.
Not that their Week 5 game against the Cleveland Browns would have been in much doubt if head coach Bill Belichick himself were lining up under center, but the two-time MVP was immaculate in his return to the gridiron.
In his team's 33-13 win, the 39-year-old Brady connected on 28-of-40 throws for 406 yards and three touchdowns, all to his tight end … just not the one you're thinking of.
While the Browns focused on and double-teamed Rob Gronkowski, Martellus Bennett got loose for all three TD grabs.
— uSTADIUM (@uSTADIUM) October 9, 2016
Gronk still made five catches for 109 yards, as seven Patriots hauled in at least two passes. Chris Hogan led the team with 114 receiving yards on the day.
— NFL (@NFL) October 9, 2016
Brady even dropped a cross between a half-hearted dab and a first-down signal after a run.
"I don't run much, so when I do, I think I was a little excited. I'm glad we got the first down," he said after the win.
In other news, fans of other teams are probably screwed.
At least we can enjoy the many superimpositions of Brady's face on some of the best films of the '90s.
"I'M BACK B#TCHES!! – Tom Brady
— Fake SportsCenter (@FakeSportsCentr) October 9, 2016
— Sporting News (@sportingnews) October 6, 2016