How to Be a Teen: A Guide by Kendall and Kylie Jenner

Matt Dekneef

Your teen years: They’re hard. They’re confusing. They’re fun and carefree and like, weird, and like, lazy and suuuuuper boring.

They’re basically a cross between way too much chemistry homework and the musical sequence of any Sofia Coppola movie (which is to say the Tumblr of any 15-year-old, pretty much).

Don’t you just wish you had a guide to get you through all the changes and mood swings?

Now you do, and there’s no better tour guides than Kendall and Kylie Jenner, teenager extraordinaires.


Accept that being a teenager is boring.

It’s something they don’t tell you in most teen movies. Then again, another thing they don’t tell you in most teen movies is that all these actors playing teens are really 25 and have personal checking accounts and apartment leases.


Fight the banality by just jumping up and down.


And lots of arbitrary dancing that calls attention to yourself.


Yet loathe being the center of attention.

Teens are ~*COMPLICATED*~*~**~


Have a favorite older sibling to look up to.

Especially one who makes dirty jokes your parents wouldn’t make.


Learn to savor those days that just seem to last forever.

Because the older you get, the faster time flies.


Do lots of frivolous shopping, preferably at Claire’s.

Disclaimer: We doubt the Jenners ever shop at Claire’s.


Find your one essential beauty item—the one you’d never step into third period geometry without—and keep it close.


Be annoyed constantly.


And embarrassed by everything.


But try to keep it all to yourself.


Discover this bizarre species scientists refer to as boys.


Analyze them and study them…


While being thoroughly repulsed by them.


Use this foolproof excuse for your bad driving as often as possible.

Because you won’t be able to use it forever.


Experiment with your personal style.

Even go through a goth phase if you have to.


Do something questionable with your hair.


Just don’t take it all too seriously.


Sometimes you feel dumb, like an outsider in many situations and it hurts so bad.


Be really devastatingly dramatic about it all.


Realize we’ve all been there.

Because no one does, babe. Not when you’re 14, or 29, or 83.


Learn to not sweat it and remain goofy.


Just remember, being a teen is about having fun.


And being moody.


And super, tuh-totally kooky.


And like, yeah.


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