Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard have just welcomed the first female President of the United States into the world.
Or at least that’s what the interesting name they’ve given their newborn baby girl suggests: Lincoln Bell Shepard.
Marinate in that for a second.
Because it’s a name that’s going to look pretty damn prestigious for a first grader once they teach her how to write in cursive. It’s a name that she’d better plan to spell out with a quill-and-ink pen for the rest of her life because, really…otherwise what’s the point of having such a distinguished nom de plume? It’s a name that’ll look quite sturdy on some lawn signage for whatever political party ticket she runs on in 35+ years.
Four score and seventeen seconds ago (about two hours ago), the dashing actress and her fiancé announced this historic moment on Twitter.
“Lincoln Bell Shepard is here,” Dax tweeted. He then joked, “She has mom’s beauty and dad’s obsession with breasts. Hooray!!!”
Kristen then wrote a tweet of her own saying, “My new roommate poops her pants doesn’t pay rent…basically [Dax] pre-sobriety 🙂 welcome baby Lincoln xo.”
She likes breasts. She goes poop. She is perfect. She is going to secure your vote for President in 2048, apparently.
Besides all that, there’s not much else to report here.
However it does open up the hush-hush conversation being whispered between nurses in the delivery room this very moment: Do you love little girls with little androgynous names? Or would you rather little girls’ names remain traditionally feminine? Would you have preferred they named her Liberty instead of Lincoln, so her name would roll off the tongue like Liberty Bell? Or do you just love when little girls have the same name as the U.S.’s 16th president because Kristen, Dax, and Lincoln all wearing matching top hats and fake beards would look insanely adorable for their first family portrait? DISCUSS.