James Marsden is a Terrible Choice for the “Sonic” Movie

Matthew Loffhagen
Universal Pictures
(Photo: Universal Pictures)

Okay, yes, I know I bored you yesterday with my musings on the “Sonic the Hedgehog” film. But today is a slow news day, and sometimes all there is to talk about is the career of professional loser James Marsden.

Marsden has officially signed on to play the human lead role in “Sonic the Hedgehog”, and I have to say, he’s not exactly my top choice.

But, then, that’s Marsden’s career in a nutshell. He’s spent decades now playing the guy that everyone loves to hate.

Good at Being Bad

First, there was “X-Men” and its sequel, in which Marsden played the most perfect, unlikable version of Cyclops to ever grace the screen.

In fairness, Marsden is very, very good at playing the jerk, to the point that you kind of don’t want to see him win at the end when squaring off against Hugh Jackman.

Then, Marsden doubled down by playing Lois Lane’s boyfriend in “Superman Returns”. Again, he’s a smiley, handsome, perfect human, and the audience is supposed to subconsciously hate him so that it’s okay when Lois runs off into the arms of Superman instead.

Completing this trilogy of roles, Marsden played the handsome prince Edward in “Enchanted”, and yet again, the audience is supposed to hate his dumb arrogant face. We need to hate him, so that we’re happy when Giselle leaves him for the world’s most boring man in the form of Patrick Dempsey.

Oh well. At least this time Marsden gets to find happiness with a cartoon Idina Menzel.

By this point in his career, Marsden has been established as the pretty boy that nobody likes. It’s hard to imagine him carrying an entire movie opposite an anthropomorphic CGI rodent – especially considering that he’s already made such a film, and it was terrible.

Hopping Mad

Have you ever seen “Hop”? It’s awful.

James Marsden played a washed-up manchild who can’t be bothered to get a job, even when his family do everything they can to try to help him progress with his life.

Bizarrely, Marsden is (for once) not the most unlikable character in the film. Instead, that honor goes to Russel Brand, who plays the son of the Easter Bunny.

Ugh.

Just thinking about this movie makes me want to vomit. Perhaps that’s because I watched it when I was on a long-haul flight from Hong Kong to Shanghai and I didn’t have anything better to do.

“Hop” is not an enjoyable experience, but if Paramount has hired James Marsden, I’m concerned that this is exactly the kind of movie they’re hoping to make.

I just don’t want to have to deal with this. Personally, I don’t want to see Sonic running around in the Real World™, but accompanied by an actor that I’ve been conditioned to hate.

I might as well start getting excited for the Illumination Super Mario movie.

I’m already pretty convinced that the Sonic film is going to be unwatchable.