Jessica Alba Shows Off Toned Bikini Body

John Howard
(Photo: Fame Flynet)

Happy Thursday, everyone. Here’s Jessica Alba in a bikini!

She is taking an extra long vacation this holiday. Photos showing the Machete Kills star soaking in the Cabo sun hit the Internet today, revealing the 31-year-old stunner in a skimpy bikini—a late Christmas present for the pervy Internet population. 

Alba spent the holiday with her husband, Cash Warren, and her two young daughters during the southern excursion to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.  

But, back to the pictures… Jessica is wearing a yellow and orange striped bikini with a strapless top. She’s kicking back in shades and lathering up with sunscreen, enjoying a little “me” time. 

The pure sexiness of these photos raises several questions:

1. How the hell is she—or anyone for that matter—this inhumanly toned?

2. How the hell did a baby, let alone TWO babies—Honor and Haven—pop out of that petite body? 

3. When does Sin City 2 come out? We need to get Alba back in stripper cowboy gear and dancing Coyote Ugly style again ASAP!

4. What is she looking at?

5. Why are there so many rock walls in Cabo? Any time a celeb is photographed on vacation in this coastal area, they always seem to be standing in front of a wall like this.

And here are the answers to those questions in order, and with no factual backing or particular legitimacy whatsoever.

1. It’s impossible. The actress is obviously some sort of superhuman or paranormal sex goddess. 

2. Also impossible. Her body defies the laws of physics. 

3. October 4, 2013.

4. Probably at all the creepy dudes holding cameras with three-foot long lenses hiding in the bushes.

5. There aren’t. Celebrities probably just go to the same place. 


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