Jared Leto’s “Spider-Man” Vampire Spin-Off Movie is the Worst Idea Ever

Matthew Loffhagen
(Photo: Marvel)

Guys, guys! Sony Pictures has screwed up again! They’ve greenlit a “Spider-Man” spin-off movie about a vampire, with Jared Leto as the lead.

This bears repeating. Sony is making a movie set in the “Spider-Man” universe, tangentially connected to the MCU, in which Jared Leto plays a vampire.

Morbius The Living Vampire is a fairly obscure character from the Spiderverse. He’s familiar to anyone who enjoyed the ‘90s “Spider-Man” cartoon series, but he’s not exactly a big player in the wider Marvel canon.

Something about Morbius has always helped him to maintain a vague popularity, in spite of the fact that he’s not actually all that interesting. In the comics, he’s occasionally tangled with Blade, and that’s fun enough. Otherwise, though, he’s just a moody Dracula-alike.

The Sony Spider-Man Problem

Sony seems desperate to have their cake and eat it. They want to benefit from Marvel’s “Spider-Man: Homecoming” and “Far From Home” while also greenlighting a bunch of spin-offs that nobody asked for.

The trailer for “Venom” is now the most-watched trailer in the history of “Spider-Man” movies, which depresses me. Apparently my regular re-watching of the 2003 trailer for “Spider-Man 2” aren’t making much of a dent on viewing figures.

I can’t yet tell, though, if these “Venom” trailer views are simply fueled by incredulity. The movie looks pretty terrible.

“Silver and Black”, the movie about Black Cat and Silver Sable (two obscure Spidey supporting characters) has been put on the back-burner, and last week, Sony announced a “Silk” spin-off film featuring an even more obscure character.

Personally, I’ll take a female Korean American Spider-Man movie, as that premise sounds awesome, but I kind of doubt it’ll ever happen. I think the studio is just announcing stuff to see whether it sticks.

The “Morbius” movie, though, already has both a director and a lead actor. And what an actor!

The Jared Leto Conundrum

I really don’t know why Jared Leto still has a career. He’s notoriously difficult to work with, and his presence in a movie is normally the worst thing about whatever he’s doing.

His particular brand of “method acting” generally involves making himself as much of a nuisance as possible. In “Blade Runner 2049” he wore opaque contacts so that he could act legitimately blind by not being able to see. This, of course, made him less coordinated than an actual blind person, because he didn’t have any existing practice at navigating without sight.

A real blind person would have got around just fine. Jared Leto spent the entire shoot bumping into things.

Why, then, Sony would think it would be a good idea to hire Leto to play a vampire, is beyond me.

In fairness, he is an incredibly creepy, disturbing individual. There’s a reason he keeps getting cast as villains. I’m just worried that he might take his “research” for the role a little too seriously, and I hope the interns on the film make sure to coat themselves in garlic to avoid unwanted bites.

(Yes, I know that Morbius drinks blood through his fingertips and isn’t afraid of garlic. I just don’t think that Leto will know that.)

This movie sounds like it’s going to be an absolute train wreck. The only ray on sunshine is the fact that most of Sony’s villain-led “Spider-Man” projects have ultimately been cancelled.

“Sinister Six” bit the dust early on. “Silver and Black” might not get made either. An earlier version of “Venom” got axed too, before being reworked.

I really hope this movie doesn’t get made. I’m too big of a fan of Spider-Man to see on of his supporting characters butchered in this way.