Believe it or not, it’s raining (like precipitating ACTUAL RAIN) in Los Angeles, just days before the Oscars. Because raindrops are an unprecedented phenomenon here, and because this is the most dramatic place on Earth, no one knows how to deal with it. But, here’s what we’re expecting:
1. The Academy scrambles to get their shit together.
Emergency $750,000,000 budget for tents… for RAIN.
2. AT ALL COSTS, SAVE THE HOLY GRAIL.
3. Everyone wonders how those celebrities will survive in their red carpet gowns.
Will they still be OK in the rain? Will every star have enough assistants to hold an umbrella for them? #PrayForTheCelebs
4. Except Jennifer Lawrence, who’ll show up soaking wet in head-to-toe Dior like a TRUE NORMAL PERSON.
Falling rain and J-Law have so much in common: they’re so DOWN TO EARTH.
5. Unless you’re being paid to go, stay away from Hollywood and Highland.
Actually, just stay away from all roads in general.
6. Because when it rains, everyone forgets how to drive.
7. The paparazzi will melt away.
8. All the after parties will be cancelled because it’s literally RAINING ON EVERYONE’S PARADE.
Major party foul, rain.
9. There is no Oscars.
Because of RAIN. Honestly, it could happen.