‘Dear World: I Secretly Wish I Was Tofu. Love, Bacon.’


(Photo: http://joiedejude.com)

Hey there. It’s me, that hot strip of greasy bacon you’ve been gushing over incessantly. I see you staring at me. And I know how you talk to your friends about me. Like I’m just some piece of meat. I’m hear to say that I’m sick of it. You may think it’s easy being so popular and desirable. But deep down, I’m a strip of bacon who wishes it was tofu.

I have been hot since forever. I am thick (cut) in all the right places, and everyone wants a piece of me. Literally. It hurts my feelings though, because I don’t feel like anyone really gets to know me. Or, at least I don’t get the full attention I deserve. Sure, you add me to a salad, mac and cheese, and, most commonly, your burger. But did you ever take me seriously enough to be an entree? No. I’m your side piece when really I should be your main (course) chick.

I am grateful for being born so sexy and greasy, but it gets hard being this popular all the time. Everyone puts their hands all over me, and passes me around like I don’t matter. I love that you eat me with your hands, and your fingers feel nice on my crisp skin, but can’t a strip of bacon get some first class silverware treatment from time to time!?

Tofu is like the quiet girl who is always going to the library even though they are slowly becoming obsolete. She looks plain, and honestly, pretty unappealing. She’s soggy, basic, and I’m genuinely surprised anyone puts her in their mouth. But you know what, you give her more time and attention, because you know she can become your swan. With proper seasoning, marinating, and frying she is good enough to bring home to your parents. When have you ever cooked for your parents, and made bacon the main dish?! Never. Also, I want to be your swan and not just a hot cheerleader, damnit!

I have so many great qualities (high in protein) that get overlooked since you spend most of your time drooling over me. I’m over it, and I deserve so much more. So for now I will remain a strip of bacon wishing it was tofu. #YesAllBaconStrips #BaconLivesMatter