Never Ever Eat a Meal at an Airport

Logan Rapp
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My best friend Anthony Bourdain (don't question, don't fact check, let me have this) has traveled the world and quite a few opinions on airport food (as well as everything else). To sum it up, really, this experience has it down pat.

There are so many reasons why you should absolutely avoid eating a meal at an airport. And if you find yourself in front of a Cinnabon, please listen to Louis CK (though definitely not at work).


You're Going to Blow Money

You're leaving to go somewhere. Hopefully, it's somewhere good, but even if it isn't, guaranteed at the end of that flight, outside of that airport are so many restaurants you'll be able to eat at. And the price you'll be paying for that food is just taking away that travel money you set aside for better decisions. Do you really want to pay the cost of a Blu-Ray for Burger King?


The Food Will Not Sit Well


Okay, let's play it this way: You're eating a meal, and then you're going to be in a pressurized cabin that is literally squeezing your body for hours. No matter what you've eaten, it's going to do things to your body that you do not want it to do. And you're choosing to do this.


Look Around You…

Look at the other people who're eating at an airport. None of them are happy. They're frazzled. They're tired. And they're looking down at their meals like World War II Russian soldiers preparing to get cut down at Stalingrad. The very vibe of where you're at is not going to make the food more appealing. It's unsanitary, and it's gross.


You're Eating in a Rush

Eating a meal because you forgot to and now you've got to stuff your face before getting on the aforementioned pressurized cabin is not a good reason to do so. See that snack kiosk next to the death march food line? That's where food that won't murder you lives. That's how you tamp down the hunger pangs and can walk off the plane with your dignity intact.


The Food Isn't Going to Digest


The food is going to pass through you — quickly. And it's going to happen when it's time to put your seatbelts on. Now you're holding in a quarter pounder that you didn't want to finish but had to because it cost twice as much as the expensive Wi-Fi that you're going to pay for because you didn't load up your tablet with entertainment.

That panic? That panic is real and horrifying.