There’s Now an Energy-Boosting Chocolate Powder That’s Designed to Be Snorted Like Cocaine

Matthew Loffhagen
(Photo: Wikipedia)

The problem with making an energy drink that’s also alcoholic is that once you get a reputation for making absolutely ridiculous and potentially dangerous food products, people begin expecting great things of your future efforts.

Sure, Four Loko is an intense caffeine shot and brain-numbing booze at the same time, but how can parent company Legal Lean possibly hope to top that achievement in the art of horribly unhealthy recreational legal drugs?

Simple: a fine chocolate powder that’s designed to be snorted to give the user a quick burst of energy.

Yes, that’s right – Coko Loko is essentially chocolate cocaine. Just what you always wanted, right?

According to the Legan Lean official website:

“Raw cacao will give you a steady rush of euphoric energy and motivation that is great for party goers to dance the night away without a crash. It is even used by athletes to give them the natural competitive edge.“

Used by athletes? Maybe. Used by competent athletes? Almost certainly not – snorting a line of chocolate powder before a big game is about as bad an idea as you could think of.

Coco Loko
Source: Legal Lean

Oh, and by the way, they really missed a trick by not calling this “cocoaine”. Come on guys, that should have been obvious!

Anyway, this thing exists, and if you want to endanger your life by trying it for yourself, good luck to you, but you’re an utter and complete idiot.

The rest of us will be consuming chocolate in a way that’s less likely to burn off the bridge of our noses, safe in the smug security of knowing that we’re far, far less likely to choke on a food source that is absolutely, definitely not supposed to be inhaled for a quick boost of energy on the toilet seat in a nightclub bathroom.

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