Waiters Reveal the Most Messed Up Things They've Overheard While on the Job

"I was delivering food to a large table that looked like they were on a family reunion vacation when I overheard a grandpa asking one of the younger (12 or 13?) grandchildren if he they had fun that day. The kid responded with 'F**k you grandpa I can't wait until you die.' I almost dropped all the plates in shock." – Alternate_Ending74

In a Witherspoon's and there was a slight lull in the Friday night noise and a buddy and I overheard a girl say 'Well technically he isn't my brother so I shagged him' to which her friend replied 'But you have the same dad.'" – ElPapaDiablo

"I am a server at a small hall that runs a restaurant/bar out of the basement in a small, rural community. One night, after almost all of the patrons had left, an old man shuffles up to the serving area, looks left and right, leans in and says, 'All old people have AIDS,' He pauses, then says 'Hearing aids, Band-aids, and Rolaids!' He cackles, then shuffles away." – Muskellunge120

"Was waiting a table a couple days ago for a group of older ladies. While I was walking back to the kitchen, I overheard one of them say 'You don't know what it's like to be married to such a f**king ugly man' and then say something about waiting for him to die so she'll gain his money. It shook me up inside." – FPSWizzy

"Older couple at Bob Evans. 'I just wish I could die already.' 'I know dear.'" – nn30

"One table had two couples negotiating a swingers contract." – too_clever_bluebird

"I work in a pretty big tourist beach town. An older couple comes in one night, super nice. They were there for a while, pretty much until close. I come by to ask if they need anything. 'Actually, my wife and I were talking, and since it's our last night here, we wanted to know if you would be interested in joining us back at our hotel room?' I smiled, told them thanks but no thanks, but have a nice rest of your trip. They left me a hefty tip and went on their way." – deliverydrama

"I'm walking down a long hallway carrying a tray of food. A kid comes running from a perpendicular hallway and runs face first into the wall without putting his hands up. He starts crying. The dad walks behind him very calmly and kneels down and says, 'Buddy, you just can't go running into walls.' I muffled my immediate laugh with my hand. It brought tears to my eyes." – McKeddie

"I used to wait tables at a Waffle House. One morning, around 6 A.M., I had an older gentleman come in and sit. I came up to take his drink order, like usual, asking how he was and such, his response was, with tear-filled eyes, 'I just buried my wife.' I had to pause for a second to collect myself, because it kinda hit me hard." – Youchosetobesalty

"'Alright babe let's get out of here, this dick ain't gonna suck itself,' says attractive early 30s woman to [her significant other]." – Sumofthem

"Not a waiter, but a barista. I once over heard two teenage girls waiting on their drinks talking about whether or not they think that charges would be pressed against them for beating up a developmentally disabled girl. Apparently they think they won't because "she deserved it." – orthag

"I had a table of nurses who were describing in detail a penectomy they had to perform on an 85-year-old man." – CalmerThanYouAre9

"Two random dudes at the bar: 'I like my women like I like my whiskey. 15 years old with just a little bit of coke.'" – CalmerThanYouAre9

"A little girl's (couldn't be older than 10) dad's drunk girlfriend calling her fat piece of sh*t, not pretty enough, etc. When they ordered she asked for a baked potato and the girlfriend said 'Really? Do you really need that potato, Hailey?' The little girl was holding back tears all night. I messed up her order and brought her the potato. Then I brought her a free dessert to make up for the mistake. Just to piss off the drunk girlfriend." – duckyblinders

"I used to be a manager at a Pizza Hut. Big extended redneck family comes in, with parents and kids. Standard visit, and they stood up to leave when 2 of the guys started yelling at each other. Their wives/gfs got in on it and turned it up a notch by getting in a vicious slap fight. Best part? Both of the women were holding babies at the time." – turnburn720

"I was bussing this table and I can hear these two guys speaking in Vietnamese to each other. One asks the other what they think about me. The guy responds and said I'm cute but I have a flat chest. Also in my defense we had to wear these oversized unisex shirts that are not flattering. But anyways, I just keep doing what I'm doing and continue on. When they came to the register to pay one asked me what nationality I was and I smiled and said I'm Vietnamese. They looked shocked; then asked me if I spoke it, which I responded I did. Then he asked me in Vietnamese if I'm understanding him right now and I responded back in Viet that yes I do. They didn't say anything else and left." – Stanced2JZ

"A couple used to come into my work, probably mid 50s, they would request to sit somewhere private so she could proceed to jerk him off under the table and have him [finish] in a glass. We obviously didn't allow this (nor realize it) until we actually saw the glass. They were already gone by then. The next time they came in we didn't realize it as them and got hit again. Finally the third time we knew, sat them in the bar area where you're pretty much on a display for 50-300 people. They requested to sit somewhere more private and we point blank told them absolutely not. They stopped returning after that." – jm628314

"When I was a waiter, people often pretended that I wasn't there. The stories they told were crazy and personal. One woman at a table of 6 lunching ladies told the story of how her husband was recently prescribed viagra. 'He took it like a vitamin - 1 pill every morning. He kept having erections at work and didn't understand why.'" – ninja_at_law

"We had a couple who would come in regularly and always asked to be seated in my coworker's section. They were probably in their 60s and were always really affectionate and cute with each other. My coworker would joke around with them all the time. One day the man came in with a different woman than usual, and my coworker jokingly told him 'Ooooh, you're in trouble. I'm going to tell your wife you were here with another woman.' Woman said 'Excuse me? I am his wife. Who the fuck has he been coming here with?' Dead awkward silence while she death-glares at her extremely uncomfortable-looking husband. My coworker just turned around and walked away." – zapatodulce

"Had a guy confess to banging his significant other's sister when I brought their drinks to them. It was an anniversary. I guess he thought it would be the least likely place for her to cause a scene. She caused a scene." – captaincous