Deadbeat Dads Who Are Still Better Than Your Terrible Dad

Deadbeat Dads Who Are Still Better Than Your Shitty Dad

Father’s Day is a wonderful holiday invented by Hallmark to sell more greeting cards to make your dad feel extra special and loved. But let’s be real. Not everybody’s dad is Father’s Day card material. They don’t call them “daddy issues” for nothin’, honey.

As much as these fictional dads suck, they still probably don’t suck as bad as your deadbeat dad who left for a pack of cigarettes in the middle of the night and never came back. Or maybe you had the kind of dad who left your mom for a stewardess with a nice rack on a return flight from Vegas.

Or maybe he used to smack you around with the buckle end of his belt and called it “character building.” Maybe he was always late on his child support payments, or maybe he still pops into your life every few years just to ask for money to take to the race tracks.

Whatever the case is, your dad sounds like he sucks, and he probably sucks more than these dads. Cheer up though! You’re totally justified to drink a whole bottle of whiskey and call your therapist crying after reading this list. Just don’t try to patch things up with your dad.

He doesn’t deserve your love.

Jack Torrance, The Shining

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Jack Torrance literally drives his wife and son to an all-but abandoned hotel super far away from civilization so that he can selfishly focus on writing his shitty novel instead of caring about the happiness and well-being of his family.

What’s Wendy supposed to do locked up in the Overlook Hotel all day, huh? Let’s also not forget the fact that his son, Danny, is about one imaginary friend away from a full psychotic break, and he doesn’t even really notice.

The icing on the cake is when he escalates from absentee father to full-blown psychopath and chases his wife and kid around with an axe. Bonus points for making the weird choice to start calling himself Johnny when he morphs into a homocidal maniac – wtf was that about?

Wolverine, Logan

Logan is the kind of dad I’ve always wanted to be – drunk driving a beat up limo around, and saying grumpy things to his clone-daughter, X23. However, none of those things are the recipe for Dad of the Year. Laura has to work SO HARD to gain his approval, and his last words are all about him.

She finally calls him daddy, and all he can say is, “so this is what it feels like.” Your death isn’t all about you, dude. You’re leaving a daughter behind – at least tell her you love her before you pass on to the great Comic Con in the sky.

Ross Gellar, Friends

Remember that episode where Ross leaves his baby with two of his least responsible friends, and then Joey and Chandler literally leave his child on a city bus and can’t recognize him when they go to the bus depot to pick him up? Yeah. That was pretty shitty.

Lou Smith, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

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Anybody who makes Will Smith cry like that must be an asshole, but Lou Smith really takes the cake. He basically abandoned his wife and son, and after his wife felt that West Philadelphia wasn’t exactly the best place to raise a kid, saddled him with Uncle Phil.