These Completely Awful Christmas Stockings Are Why You’re Getting Coal This Year

When it’s time to decorate for Christmas, things get stressful. Because we face some tough decisions. And there are a lot of them. For example: Red-and-green decorations? Or white-and-gold?  Eggnog spiked with rum? Or eggnog spiked with bourbon? Simple and understated stockings?

Or super offensive ones to chase your in-laws away? Well, we’ve found the best, most inappropriate Christmas stockings out there. So whatever holiday vibe you’re going for, rest assured there’s something here for everyone.

When you plan to give your S.O. sex coupons for Christmas

Not that we have a problem with sex coupons as gifts, but maybe hide this stocking away when Uncle Larry comes to visit, lest he get the wrong idea about his stay.

When you’re a middle-aged housewife trying to spice things up

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If yours is the type of Christmas celebration in which your husband doubles as “Santa,” then this stocking is calling your name.

When a regular ol’ stocking just isn’t big enough

Do you feel as though it’s your destiny to be the literal embodiment of NSFW holiday cheer? Why not just use this year as an opportunity to make yourself the actual Christmas stocking? Takes the idea of stocking stuffers to a whole new level.

When you’ve had enough of your damn relatives

If you’re the type of person who can only make it through the season blind drunk, what better way to convey that to your friends and family than with this boozy display?

It makes shopping for you a breeze, and it’ll be conveniently located directly above all those other gifts you actually hate.