We've all seen crummy parking jobs. That's why these passive aggressive driver notes are so pleasing. So here are some great ideas for the next time some jerk steals your parking space!
Time For Practice
"Many three year olds have trouble staying within the lines. Maybe if you practice coloring this turtle, it'll help with your parking."
"Hiya, you suck at parking. Seriously. Try considering others while you park. The world doesn't just revolve around you and your needs."
"Thanks for always parking across the path. It gives me the chance to be a movie star & slide across your hood now & then. Try it, it's awesome!"
"The next time you park here & block me in I will monster truck your car into a pile of scrap."
Thanks For Being So Rude
"Thanks for being so rude by parking in the space that I shoveled out for my family."
Please Don't Reproduce
"You park like an asshole. Please don't reproduce. :)"
"I am giving you this dog, his name is Spot. I thought you might want him, as you seem to be trying to take as many spots as possible. I hope this helps."
"The parking spot you are occupying is reserved for me. I have photographed your license plate, but I have not called for the tow truck...this time. Next time, I will vaseline your door handles and wiper blades and then call the tow truck. Sounds fair, right? Enjoy your close call tonight! :)"
"Congratulations, you have won the inconsiderate parkers prize by occupying two parking places with one very small car and doing this for more than a month - far longer than anyone else has achieved."
Just For You
"Parking spot just for you."
"You've angered the potato clan with your parking choices! If you park in their space again they will bring out their produce army! Ahhhhh!!!!!"
How To Park
This note is just a handy guide entitled "How To Park", with diagrams showing a "correct" car within a single space, and an incorrect car straddling to spaced.
Don't Park Like a Tool!
"When you park like a tool, you make people mad. When you make people mad, they write you notes. When they write you notes, they're wasting their time. When they waste their time, the get more mad. Or is it madder? Now they're doubting their grammer. Don't make people doubt their grammar. Don't park like a tool!"
That's a Paddlin'.
"Parking in other peoples' spots? That's a paddlin'." (Gotta love a "Simpsons" reference!)
That's Be Great
"Yeaaah... if you could go ahead and park in your own spot, that'd be great." (Bonus points for a dated meme!)
Dear Mr Important
"Dear Mr Important, I understand you drive a flashy, brand new Nissan Altima and you don't want the paint job to be scuffed & dinged up by the crappy Toyota Avalon parked next to you, but since you perfectly double parked, I had to park 2 blocks away and carry ice cream in this scorching heat. My ice cream melted and you ruined my day. I hope every time you eat ice cream, it melts, and you think of me... for the rest of your important life. Have a lovely Saturday."
The Taken Space
"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking to park further away, I can tell you I don't have more space. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long life. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you pull up in your space, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will box you in."
"No offense but this van looks hella creepy at night. Can you park it in front of someone else's house from now on? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks! :) - easily creeped out neighbor."
Police On The Way
"I totally just watched you hit that car and leave. The police are on their way. Have a good one!"
Thank You So Much
"Dear Driver, thank you so much for taking time to move our trash cans to let you park. We really appreciate it because it's not like we have a big blue truck to park in front of our house or anything. Once again, thank you so much for using your personal time to make our life harder. Hate you, Z"
The Imaginary Ticket
"I hope you thought this was a ticket."
"Parking Instructions: this is a driveway. Typically where the street meets the sidewalk. There is a 4"-6" raised platform. This is called a curb. Driveways do not have curbs. Don't park in front of our freaking driveway. BTW - showering is lather, rinse, repeat."
"You should be towed for this parking job but I'm too tired. You're lucky."
"Learn to park with manners. You must think I am a bloody sardine."