Seriously, Canada?: Over Half The Country Calls Kickball ‘Soccer Baseball’

Bryan Brandom
(Photo: Getty Images)

Just when you think you’ve got the mysterious land to the north called Canada all figured out, they find new and baffling ways to make us squint and wonder what could actually be going on in the minds of these odd Canadians with strange customs, like round bacon, bagged milk, and the hilarious notion that no one should have to die just because they are poor.

The latest in Canadian bafflement was revealed to us by The 10 and 3, in a piece that examined the relationship between geography and language in Canada. 

The head-scratchingest finding: More than half the country calls kickball “soccer baseball.”

The site generously calls “soccer baseball” the more practical term, despite its being twice as long and also dumb—classic Canadian politeness.

Look, I get it. Kickball is baseball, but played with one’s feet, like soccer. But that’s about the end of the similarities between soccer and kickball. If you’re going to go ahead and make up your own wrong names for sports, be practical about it. “Foot baseball” makes more sense. “Kick baseball” makes more sense.

Most importantly, calling it what it’s actually called, kickball, makes the most sense. And who said you could drag our sweet beloved pastime that no one cares about anymore, baseball, into this?

For the most part, the rest of The 10 and 3’s findings were forgivable, but one more is hilarious.

The country’s population overwhelmingly calls colored pencils “pencil crayons.”

Credit where credit is due, though, “garburator” is a great word I wish would catch on down here in the States.

“Our online survey was conducted primarily via social media over a month in June 2017, gathering over 9500 responses,” the site explained of its surveying methods. “In our mapping, we restricted only to respondents who both grew up and currently live in the same province. For provinces with subdivided regions like Ontario or Nova Scotia, we mapped according to the region where the respondent grew up. We had at least 25 respondents in every province and subregion, but had many hundreds of responses in almost all areas except the Territories.”

Check out the rest of the graphics over at The 10 and 3.

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