Toys You Wanted Desperately As A Kid That Turned Out To Completely Suck

Who doesn’t remember the pure delight of getting exactly what you asked for, only to be followed by the crushing disillusionment when they were toys that turned out to actually suck? Let’s take a walk down memory lane and revisit all those times reality flat-out failed to live up to our dreams.

Moon Shoes

Any toy that bills itself as being anti-gravity is absolute rotten bullshit and should be banned.

Slip N Slide

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AKA How To Get A Horrifying Skin Burn Without Even Trying

Go Bots

These off-brand Transformers make me sad just looking at them.

Walk-On Piano

You are not Tom Hanks in “Big,” and you will never be Tom Hanks in “Big.” Robert Loggia is dead. FAO Schwartz is dead. All of your dreams will eventually die, so you better learn that now.