Alshon Jeffery Has a New Plan for the Bears: ‘We Gotta Score F**king Touchdowns’


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Week 6 in the NFL saw a number of teams suffer losses of the embarrassing variety on Sunday.

The Pittsburgh Steelers' loss to the Miami Dolphins was so unexpected that linebacker Lawrence Timmons barfed after a Jay Ajayi touchdown.

The reigning NFC champion Carolina Panthers fell to 1-5 after a loss to the previously 1-3 New Orleans Saints, and a young Saints fan punked Cam Newton in the process.

Even the Chicago Bears, a team other teams are embarrassed to lose to, suffered a humiliating defeat: They lost to the previously 1-3 Jacksonville Jaguars 17-16 on a Blake Bortles 51-yard touchdown pass to Arrelious Benn.

In four red zone tries, the Bears found the end zone just once, settling for three field goals. They're currently 25th in the league in the red zone, and have scored just 10 offensive touchdowns through six games. That number might be softened by the fact that they've surrendered only 14 offensive touchdowns, before the caveat that they've played three horrendous offenses in the Jags, Indianapolis Colts, and Houston Texans.

Thankfully, Bears wide receiver Alshon Jeffery doubles as a mastermind of an offensive coordinator and has come up with a winning strategy just in time to save Chicago's season:

Turns out the former Pro Bowler—whose fantasy owners will eagerly tell has yet to secure a touchdown grab in 2016—has been tinkering with this plan for at least a week. Here's what he said after the team found paydirt just twice in six red zone tries in their Week 5 loss to the Colts.

But until head coach John Fox implements Jeffery's complex scheme, we may never know if it actually works.