BREAKING NEWS: Eli has picked the Seattle Seahawks to win the Super Bowl!
No, Eli Manning isn’t betting against his own brother. We’re talking about Eli the ape.
That’s right, folks, ESPN is actually reporting that a primate in Utah picked the next NFL champion by knocking down a papier-mache helmet with the Seahawks logo on it.
But before you accuse the #1 sports authorty of “monkeying” around, you should know that Eli has correctly chosen the Super Bowl winner for six straight years.
“He made his pick without any hesitation,” according to Erica Hansen of Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake City.
In that case, there’s really no point in even playing the game this Sunday. The outcome has already been decided…. by a 13-year old ape who hasn’t been wrong since 2006.