Zlatan Ibrahimovic Has A Brilliant But Kinda Gross Idea For Improving American Soccer

Bryan Brandom
(Photo: Getty Images)

Zlatan Ibrahimovic knows how to improve American soccer

American soccer is apparently one divorce away from world domination.

At least if you take soccer superstar Zlatan Ibrahimovic at his word.

The Swede has 32 trophies to his credit, the second-most in the world. And he’s not shy about letting others know it.

This is how the 36-year-old introduced himself to Los Angeles after joining the Galaxy in the MLS.

“I think my confidence is very high,” he told Jimmy Kimmel on Tuesday night. “My mental priorities are bulletproof, whatever I would do I would be what I am today. I chose football and I’m sorry for the other fans that are cheering for the other sports because that would be the same thing.”

Two days later, Ibrahimovic used a new euphemism for “spreading one’s seed” to suggest that he could establish an entire generation of American soccer stars simply by enjoying himself in his new town.

“I have a wife, I did my two kids. If I was single I would spread my investments here in the U.S. and you would have future legends in the soccer,” he told Dan Patrick. “But sorry I’m already occupied by my wife and two kids.”

Gross. Likely effective, and kinda making me want to reverse-“Parent Trap” Zlatan’s family in the name of elevating American soccer. But gross.