#55 Candy Scams
My brother and I were very smart kids. He still is, I’ve settled around average. We came up with a plan to get candy. So much candy. I think we were around 10 at this point. Our parents would habitually go grocery shopping, and they would take us with them. We were both quite well behaved, and polite, so it wasn’t a big deal to bring us along.
Dad usually beelines for the butcher section, while mom putters around the produce section. This was a weekly thing. Dad would pick up something, and hand it to one of us. “Go put this in the cart.” Can you see where this is going? My brother and I realize that Mom doesn’t question when we put things in on dad’s request.
Dad doesn’t question things on the conveyor belt, because mom must have okayed it. We got so much candy. Remember Baby Bottle Pops? We had, like, two packages of them. Gushers. Gummy bears. Chocolate bars. Caramels. Those dip sticks that you lick and stick in powder that changes the color of your tongue and has the consistency of chalk.
Oh God, it was glorious. We get in the car, giddy to go home. Mom grumpily says to dad, “I can’t believe you let them buy that much candy.” Dad replied, “Me? You let them get it!” There was a pregnant pause as they both turned around in their seats and looked at us. “Guys. Seriously?” So we didn’t get the candy. They didn’t return it, though.
We were grounded for a month, and everything we brought to the shopping cart was now scrutinized. But so worth it. Because about six months later we got to eat the candy. Now that we’re adults, my dad still thinks that was one of the most clever things we’ve ever done.
Credit: Dante_