Helmet
Before I was a dashing lumberjack of the hipster variety, I played football and rugby with my chaps. One day, we played a friendly game of rugby, and we shouted about our love of fine craft beers and gentrification. I was the best there ever was, but my rival Thaddeus an I were in an uneasy truce. When the opportunity came, he threw a ball at my head, and I suffered a mild concussion. I swore a pox on his WeWork office, and I scolded myself for not playing football with helmets instead.